Being a child of the mid-80s, I was born in the midst of 30 years of consistent economic growth. At that time, and for the next 30 years, market conditions were predictable. As I was growing up, I was told that I could be anything – the world’s my oyster, reach for the stars, I’m in control of my own destiny. I thought I knew the rules. If I eat well, exercise, manage money carefully and put effort into maintaining positive relationships with family and friends, life would be fairly predictable and manageable, maybe even happy. And then something unexpected happens; my body went haywire. Even though I did all the things I was supposed to do to ‘keep it under control’, it flipped my world completely and brought into sharp relief how little control I have over my own life, even my own body.
Almost 2000 years ago, Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it like this:
“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”
What does this mean in plain English? Well, it means there’s a very small set of things that we absolutely control and a very large set of things that we don’t.
Up until the point of my health scare, I had considered myself a pretty healthy individual. I’d exercise, eat well, do all the things that I was told would keep me healthy, and it was all based on science. But, as it turns out, those things that we’re told lead to outcomes of certainty are far from the truth. Those activities may influence an outcome, they don’t control it. Realising this was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn, but it has been transformative to all parts of my life – especially amidst a global pandemic in 2020.
When we accept that we can only influence and not control large parts of our life, it helps us focus on the agency we have as individuals and be OK when everything else ‘doesn’t go according to plan.’ Yes, I want good relationships with my friends and family, and I can do my best to make those things happen, but in the end, if someone doesn’t like me, it’s not my fault, it’s just out of my control because they themselves have lives and influences that I cannot shape.
Watercolour, funnily enough, is also a master teacher when it comes to the difference between influence and control. What one realises is that attempting to control watercolour fully is arduous work and it produces uninspiring and generally un-emotional work. But giving the medium space to run, bloom and settle on the paper with influence in just the right areas, at just the right time from the artist is when watercolour is at its best. It turns out; it’s also true of life.