It’s easy to look back on the decisions we’ve made or the life we’ve led and think about all of the possibilities that could have been. What if I had chosen a different path? If only I made this decision instead of that one. Every single choice we make, in hindsight, has had consequences in shaping who we are and the life we’ve led. We’re proud of some of those decisions and not so proud of others. The people we call friends, the jobs we’ve taken, the places we’ve chosen to live – all of it accumulating to shape who and where we are now. There are some choices, though, that we remember as being more significant than others.
In my case, when I was in Year 10, Mr Jordan, my art teacher, strongly encouraged me to do art for my senior years. I distinctly remember the conversation we had and his comment, “I see something in your work that I think we should develop.” Instead, I chose science – Physics, Chemistry, Biology – because it would ‘scale better’ to get into University. Once I was in university, I could do anything, right? Well, as it turns out, I went to University, stopped doing art completely, and focussed on a degree in Design (which is very different from Art, by the way). To make matters worse, Mr Jordan passed away just before I got my first publishing deal.
I can look back on that decision in two ways.
I can regret it. If only I had listened to Mr Jordan. What if I had pursued the artist’s path? What if I spent 15 years honing my craft and training my brain towards that of an artist, rather than a Designer. If only I discovered my love of watercolour in high-school. If only the world didn’t push us into tertiary careers in science and maths instead of using art to discover who we are. If only, what if.
But the other way to look at that choice is not by what it may have taken away, but what it has provided. Following the path I did led to steady work. Steady work led to a solid financial base for myself. I met some wonderful people in my Design career (including my partner) who taught me so much I would never have learned. My years in the ‘corporate day job’ taught me skills on negotiation, compromise, the importance of deadlines, it gave me the critical thinking skills to analyse new situations and make better decisions – decisions which I use everyday now that I’ve found my way back to art and, let’s be honest, have to manage a business.
The what-ifs and if-onlys in our life are the things that make us who we are. The difference between regret and thankfulness is controlled by the story we tell ourselves about those decisions, not the decisions themselves. What’s encouraging is that the way we shape that story of the life we’ve lived also works for the decisions we haven’t made yet. This means that no matter the choice we have to make tomorrow, we’re in control of the story of our lives, it’s just up to to us to write it, just the way we want to.